Day 31: Say WHAT?

Day 31:

Friday, May 11, 2012

Well folks, I can't imagine a better way to to end all this blogging.

I just got off the phone with my mom and dad who were both in tears. Dad started the conversation by saying, "You'll never guess who walked today...without a walker".

Say what!!!!!

Let's just go back in time here. Almost 5 months ago the the day, my mom suffered an amazing stroke. Questionable brain surgery left us all thinking that even IF mom survived, she would be on a ventilator, feeding tube and living in long term care.

5 months later...mom for the first time, took 8 steps by herself without a walker. With tears in my eyes I am in shock, just as my parents are. It is beyond amazing what our bodies are capable of doing, the healing that happens without us knowing and perhaps a certain force that exists without having proof.

So as I wrap up this blog, it brings me a great smile on my face that the example of this recent news...that in just an instant life can create something glorious...was the same main lesson I learned in the 30 days plus 1 experiment.

For 30 days my intent was to show people that I loved them, to not hold back, to love unabashedly. 

What ended up happening is that it wasn't so much telling or showing people I loved them as it was to take time out each day and look for the magic that lies around each corner. Those special moments that you would've missed if you hadn't been looking. Becoming a "weed hunter" or a kind stranger left me with feelings of gratitude and connectedness. Tapping into that part of me that is good and simple and seeing it around me gave me a deeper purpose to my days. 

Each day brought me something new. It was like having a new floral bouquet delivered to my house everyday...new flowers, new smells, new arrangement, new color and a new appreciation for all the newness. Flowers have been around me all along but I am beginning to see them all in a different way. 

Giving homage to those little ants that I was immersed in conversation with in the prayer garden 5 months ago...it was good talking to ya but our conversations not over yet!

THE END

Day 30: Roll reverse

Day 30:

Thursday, May 10

6:59am Izzy rolls in our bedroom and waived her tiny little fingers along my cheek and said, "good morning Mommy". 

 Did Izzy really just walk in and wake up the way I wake her up? 

On most days I arrive at work about 8:30'ish and leave right about 5:00pm. I like being at work and although I might spend some time, okay...more time than warranted looking for recipes or a People.com, I like being here.

Izzy climbed up and said, "mommy, you're so warm" and proceeded to tuck herself under the covers and just lay next to me.  As I was zoning in and out of consciousness, I would feel a tickle on my face or even on my arm. Izzy was tickling me like I tickle her. But not that annoying type of tickle that your husband roughhouses you or your kids with but the type of tickle you would expect from your mom. More accurately, the type of gentle touch that you always ask your husband for but never get~!

She and I just snuggled on and off for the next hour. It was a 8:00am I realized that it was inevitable, I had to go to work today. But, I got up and enjoyed a leisure breakfast with Izzy and talked all about her crazy dreams that daddy had black and white shoelaces.

I joked with my friend about arriving to work today so late. 9:31am to be exact. I felt a little guilty because it's out of character to be that late but, that's the way my day shook out. My friend had a great point that those extra few hours spent with Izzy far outweighed the time I could've been at work. When I'm older and making my life transition...it will be those two hours with Izzy that mattered the most.

How Izzy felt snuggling up:

I hope she loves it as much as I do

How I felt with Izzy snuggled up:

Doesn't get much better than this, seriously. When I get to lay next to her, it just brings me right back to when she was an infant and I'd just stare at her all day and dream up what her life was to be

Lessons learned:

Sometimes it is okay to be late to work

Day 29: Day to tap into the old me

Day 29

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

From 8-3pm I volunteered today for a local association at their annual conference. It felt so nice to work at an event so I could tap into my old life as an event planner. Also so fun to network and socialize with a bunch of industry colleagues.

I haven't volunteered for a long time, in fact, I can't remember the last time I volunteered anywhere? I've often thought about going to the nurseries at hospitals so I could rock babies...wouldn't that be incredible? It felt nice.

How I felt today:
Like I tapped in to an old part of me

How my friends at the association felt:
Appreciative

Lessons learned:
I need to find more ways to tab into the old part of me, especially the parts of me that brought me so much joy

Day 28: I love my coach!

Day 28:

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Remember the days when you played softball, you smashed the ball with your bat, headed for first base, your eyes wide open with excitement as you looked for your first base coach and overheard him say "go, go go!" as you rounded first base?

Coaches are amazing. They lift our little 3rd grade spirits, remind us we are awesome and capable of magic. So why did we have to grow up and say goodbye to our coaches?

As luck would have it, I have a coach that surfaced about 6 months ago. She's one of our executive coaches at work and she's so fun to be with.

My love moment...? I asked her to help coach me again. Today was our first day of "coaching revival" and I spewed at the mouth of all the things I want to do...place to go...things to write...speaking I want to do. I had no organization other than just waves of passion and excitement and she was able to categorize my thoughts into three main sections. An ability that totally amazes me...to listen to chaos and get it organized!  If, (when), I follow my passion, I will be a better mom, wife, person and employee. I can't wait to get started!

How I felt when I was being coached:
Like I had just crunched the softball and was rounding first base heading to second. I felt invigorated, excited and as if the world was mine!

How the world will react when I'm really on my life purpose:
I'll be embraced with open arms!

Lessons learned:
Sometimes you need to find the people that will support you!

Day 27: Can research be love?

Day 27

Monday, May 8, 2012

I'm having a hard time writing this because I don't really feel like I can count this for my "love moment". However, I found myself immersed in doing research for the perfect gift for my mom and for about an hour, I was in la-la land. It felt so good to get lost in finding that perfect gift for mother's day. This mother's day will be the most special one yet and I really want to get mom the best gift ever.

How I felt indulging myself with time...and on my jobs dime:
Great but also a bit guilty

How good my mom will feel when she opens her fun present:
Happy!

Lessons learned:
As much as I feel guilty about not giving my job 100%, it is nice to have the amount of freedom I have to do personal things. I'm glad I'm not that type of employee that searches for recipes all day but it's nice to know I have the flexibility to do that if I needed to!

Day 26: Not much but a good cookie

Day 26

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Today we celebrated Mother's Day which I may add, was a great idea. In the past, we've celebrated Mother's Day on the REAL day. And what do we do on Father's Day...? Nothing because the dads want to have a day off. HELLO...so do I!

Somebody got the message that although it's always nice to be with family, my fellow mom-in-laws want a day off, and on the real day I might add. My day that I earn. My day that as much as I love my in-laws, I don't want to celebrate my day with anyone else other than those that make the cut.

Haven't you noticed that the older you get the slimmer your "friend" list dwindles? But it's a good dwindle and I love it actually. Having friends is like being on a diet...some make you emotionally fat, others make you emotionally starve. I've reached the age that it's like an audition with new people...what do you have to offer me? If I only have 5 minute a week to talk you while driving my kiddo to swimming lessons...are you the type that will be annoyed because Toddler Tunes are playing in the background or could you potentially sing the songs with me? If you can't sing along or at least hide the annoyance in your tone, you might just make the cut.

So, we went to my sister in laws and guess what Stacy...please bring a dessert. 

Whuaaaat? Hugh? It's Mother's Day celebration and don't forget to bring something? Fine.

Well, I could ask Kurt. But then we'd go to the grocery store and buy pre-packaged something. So what's a mother to do? I whipped out my new chocolate chip cookie with vanilla pudding recipe and cooked the hell out some mean cookies! 72 cookies sounds about right. Some with walnuts, some without. Some dipped in chocolate, some dipped without. I cooked them quietly, alone as to not make to much noise which would inevitably invite 10 little sticky fingers and a bag full of flour on my face.

Beep-beep went the timer. Buttery aroma filled the air. The sound of a cup filling with milk. I could taste the perfect blend of brown sugar and the grainy white sugar....could it be true....the cookies were ready. They were mine. My creation.

And yes people, what better treat than to take time doing something you love.

How I felt baking cookies:
It was surprisingly therapeutic. No one needed me, no one asked me to get them anything. No one asked me to play "I spy or "Come here honey, I Need Your Help Outside". Just me, butter and chocolate chips. 

How my in-laws felt when they devoured delicious, hand baked with love cookies:
They all enjoyed them.

Lessons learned:
When I'm home alone next, I need to bake. It really makes me happy.

Day 25: Ding-Dong Ditching

Day 25

Saturday, May 5, 2012

80 degree days can't be beat. You wake up early, get a sense of the morning heat, anticipate how much time you'll be outside and can almost see the tan on your face.

When it's hot in Colorado, it's dry...very dry. When it's hot and dry what better reward for impending wrinkles...ice cream!

Creating a strategy of when and how you'll actually make it to Dairy Queen is part of the fun. Debating with yourself of if I plant these flowers now, then I'll go after. Or...once the dishes are done and a load of laundry is in...then I'll go. Or then you can all of sudden turning into the parking lot at DQ and asking yourself, how did I get here? Since I'm here, I better get some ice cream. 

• Small oreo blizzard - check. 
• Small double fudge cookie dough blizzard - check
• One small vanilla cone - check
• Paying for the car behind you with two vanilla cones and a milkshake - priceless

How the man felt that I paid for his bill:
I hope really happy and surprised. Many folks do this in the Starbucks drive through but this was the first time I had done it at ice cream. I do hope that now, hours later he can tell his kids or family about a nice gesture and the importance of doing nice things.  The DQ attendant said that if somebody paid for her treats, it would make her very happy.

How I felt today paying for the car behind me:
I love doing things like this. It's like ding-dong ditching and never being caught! You pay and then gun it out of the parking lot so you can't make eye contact with the person, the fear, the adrenaline and chase...I love it. And no, the car didn't chase me but it's as close to a super hero as I'll ever become.

Lessons learned:
I'd like to figure out ways to get this rush without having to pay for anything. 

Day 24: Friday Fun

Day 24

Friday, May 4, 2012

Today was going to be a great day, it was Friday after all.

Not only was it a fun day at work, it was a day that I was completely myself. Yes there is office protocol and there are certain unspoken rules that you should follow. Today, I didn't follow any of them!

The office I work in is very serious. Lots of crazy smart people, number crunching, looming deadlines, fast walkers and fast talkers. Where as I go to work to have fun, others come to work to make money. The majority of the time I don't fit in because I'm not as serious as the others and honestly, I don't have to be and don't want to be.

The smile could not be wiped off my face today. I laughed to loud, shared jokes with my clients and lingered when talking to my colleagues. Today was a "personal" day at work. Colleagues told me about their kids about to get married, others vented about a irritating home situation and another peer just sat and chatted about life as a newlywed. It was great.

Heaven forbid that we actually get to know the people we work with? I spend more time with them than I do my own family...sad but true. (8 hours at work x 5 days a week = 40 hours...versus 3 hours each night ((6-9pm)) x 5 days a week = 15 hours. Yes, only 15 hours of Kurt, Izzy, Stacy, Friends, Family time a week.

Corporations need collaboration. Fun. Friendly environments. Loyalty comes through days like today.

How I felt today being 100% Stacy?
Great but also a bit strange not having any filters. (I can't really say that because despite my fun attitude, I am pretty conservative at work and have a pretty good idea of when and how to say things. So, I wasn't singing to music or dancing in the halls but I was authentic, cheerful and outgoing today.

How my peers felt chatting with me:
Hopefully good. My colleague who sits in the office next to me calls me "Oprah" because people are always coming in and out of my office, usually to vent or just say hello. The walls are paper thin so he can always hear our conversations. I joke that he's now plugged in to all things "female". But I hope that each person went home thinking that where I work can be a fun place to be.

Lessons learned:
I wish other people personally engaged with each other at work. When I have clients come in they joke that you can hear crickets chirping because it's so quiet. Unfortunately, they are correct. I need to figure out if a culture change is possible and do something about it. Even if it's organizing a clothing drive or something that brings everyone together to create a bit of cohesion. Hmm, what can I do?

Day 23: I found some magic

Day 23:

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Today I was inspired to find articles on the topic of kindness. So many folks in my company write articles for our quarterly publication, why not me? Granted I know very little about the construction world but I was looking to find a correlation between kindness and productivity...there's got to be a connection there.

In my digging around for articles, out popped the most amazing, gut wrenching, moving and inspiring website. By 9am, my eyes were swollen from crying and coffee was replaced by Kleenex. Please, remember this website: http://www.rachelschallenge.org/.

Years ago I was at the driving range when my jaw hit the ground. I was getting another basket of driving range balls and the breaking news caught my attention. In fact, it caught the attention of everyone in the pro shop. Shots fired at a local high school in Littleton, Colorado. 

This website was created in honor of  Rachel Scott, the first person to fall victim in the shooting at Columbine High School. Her family started this website dedicated to spreading what other...kindness. They created kindness cards that create a chain reaction. You can track where and what your gesture did online. Meaning, I can send a card from Colorado to someone in Arkansas, that person sends a card to Hawaii, etc. I've requested a card be sent to me so I can circulate it on...can't wait! I asked to be on their mailing list and soon I will make a donation.


How I felt today:
After reading this website, I was so inspired and reminded that we have the power to create our life. Our life purpose might be right in front of us, and it might come out of  an experience we have.  I also felt sorrow and sadness for not only the family of Rachel but all the families, friends and communities that experienced this tragedy. Even though it has been years, when you step back into the articles and TV clips you are brought back to the moment it began.

Lessons learned:
 Reading inspirational stories has a profound affect on me. It lifts me up, inspires me and reminds me to pay attention to the significance in my life. What am I doing to live my life rather than just experience it?

Day 22: Not much...

Day 22

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Not much happened today. Many days ago I said that I wasn't going to force anything and that what was to unfold for the day, would.

One of my friends suggested that I mention how my life has changed since this experiment all started. And, because I don't have much to report today, now seems like the right time to highlight the incredible things that have happened.

Since starting 30daysplus1, it's quite interesting how many nice things have happened to me. Just today for example, one of my colleagues called me from Starbucks to see what she could pick up for me. Really, you're at Starbucks calling me for my order?

People are paying me compliments, work is going far better than it ever has, my relationships with Kurt and Izzy are the best ever, I have time for "me", I have more time for activities, I'm feeling more connected with everything and I'm so happy!

It turns out that that for the past 22 days my goal was to show people "love" but it turns out that it's been more about simply paying attention and slowing down. That seems to be what I've been noticing and making me really content. Are they connected? I don't know but I'm really enjoying the process.

I hope tomorrow something magical will happen and I'll be looking for it!

How I felt today:
Now at 10:39pm, I feel disappointed. Everyday there has been something that has surfaced and I'm just feeling a bit flat tonight that maybe I just overlooked something.

Lessons learned:
I guess it happens and plans don't go as planned, that's okay. Oh well.

PS...I put this picture up of humpback whales because I love them and realized that my next trip will be to CA and go whale watching with my family.

Day 21: What's a day without UMIZOOMI

Day 21

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It's usually 6pm by the time I get home with Izzy. Time to start dinner, feed the dog, fight with Kurt's' pants, pack the lunch, blah blah blah. Many days we let Izzy watch TV and we call it giving her some "downtime". If I'm really honest with myself, it's a lazy excuse for giving her something to kill time doing while we get all our ducks in a row. It makes me crazy that she's in the other room when she could be with me but things move exponentially faster without a child, especially when you have a time crunch. Fellow moms and dads, you know what I'm talking about. I wish I was that mom who was totally organized, ran a smooth household and knew what was for dinner. Well, that's not me.

Shocker: 7pm, dog fed, clothes folded, lunches packed and brownies actually baking for teacher appreciation week. I'm impressed. With Kurt's help tonight, we blazed through our evening chores and by 7:15, I was actually in my pajamas, teeth brushed and ready to relax.

What better way to relax than with Izzy on the couch? She was really tired today and when she's sleepy, she gets really cuddly and wants me to hold her. She climbed all over me, elbowed me in the stomach and used my boobs as pillows and yes...it brought me right back to her being an infant laying on my tummy. About 7:50pm I woke up watching Olivia and woke up again about 8:30pm watching Team Umizoomi. What was so delightful about this occasion was that Izzy laid on me the entire time.

When I hang out with Izzy, I like to do activities or do something. Watching TV isn't that much fun but tonight, it was so nice to zone out with her on my tummy. Gosh, I love being a mom. I love being her mom.

How Izzy felt hanging out:
I know she loved it. Although tonight I kept falling asleep, when we do watch TV it's filled with commentary from me, applying the "lesson" of the show and applying the situation to her life. But tonight, we just hung out and flopped on the couch

How I felt:
Really relaxed

Lessons learned:
It might be misleading from my blog entries...I messy house makes me crazy. Uneasy, tension riddled and anxious. If I tidy it up, I feel relaxed and at ease. By no means am I OCD but if things are in their place, I feel organized and ahead of the 8 ball. Kurt and I both need to work on upkeep which is so hard during the week with two people working full time. But...to keep sane, we both need to do a little each day