Day 31: Say WHAT?

Day 31:

Friday, May 11, 2012

Well folks, I can't imagine a better way to to end all this blogging.

I just got off the phone with my mom and dad who were both in tears. Dad started the conversation by saying, "You'll never guess who walked today...without a walker".

Say what!!!!!

Let's just go back in time here. Almost 5 months ago the the day, my mom suffered an amazing stroke. Questionable brain surgery left us all thinking that even IF mom survived, she would be on a ventilator, feeding tube and living in long term care.

5 months later...mom for the first time, took 8 steps by herself without a walker. With tears in my eyes I am in shock, just as my parents are. It is beyond amazing what our bodies are capable of doing, the healing that happens without us knowing and perhaps a certain force that exists without having proof.

So as I wrap up this blog, it brings me a great smile on my face that the example of this recent news...that in just an instant life can create something glorious...was the same main lesson I learned in the 30 days plus 1 experiment.

For 30 days my intent was to show people that I loved them, to not hold back, to love unabashedly. 

What ended up happening is that it wasn't so much telling or showing people I loved them as it was to take time out each day and look for the magic that lies around each corner. Those special moments that you would've missed if you hadn't been looking. Becoming a "weed hunter" or a kind stranger left me with feelings of gratitude and connectedness. Tapping into that part of me that is good and simple and seeing it around me gave me a deeper purpose to my days. 

Each day brought me something new. It was like having a new floral bouquet delivered to my house everyday...new flowers, new smells, new arrangement, new color and a new appreciation for all the newness. Flowers have been around me all along but I am beginning to see them all in a different way. 

Giving homage to those little ants that I was immersed in conversation with in the prayer garden 5 months ago...it was good talking to ya but our conversations not over yet!

THE END

Day 30: Roll reverse

Day 30:

Thursday, May 10

6:59am Izzy rolls in our bedroom and waived her tiny little fingers along my cheek and said, "good morning Mommy". 

 Did Izzy really just walk in and wake up the way I wake her up? 

On most days I arrive at work about 8:30'ish and leave right about 5:00pm. I like being at work and although I might spend some time, okay...more time than warranted looking for recipes or a People.com, I like being here.

Izzy climbed up and said, "mommy, you're so warm" and proceeded to tuck herself under the covers and just lay next to me.  As I was zoning in and out of consciousness, I would feel a tickle on my face or even on my arm. Izzy was tickling me like I tickle her. But not that annoying type of tickle that your husband roughhouses you or your kids with but the type of tickle you would expect from your mom. More accurately, the type of gentle touch that you always ask your husband for but never get~!

She and I just snuggled on and off for the next hour. It was a 8:00am I realized that it was inevitable, I had to go to work today. But, I got up and enjoyed a leisure breakfast with Izzy and talked all about her crazy dreams that daddy had black and white shoelaces.

I joked with my friend about arriving to work today so late. 9:31am to be exact. I felt a little guilty because it's out of character to be that late but, that's the way my day shook out. My friend had a great point that those extra few hours spent with Izzy far outweighed the time I could've been at work. When I'm older and making my life transition...it will be those two hours with Izzy that mattered the most.

How Izzy felt snuggling up:

I hope she loves it as much as I do

How I felt with Izzy snuggled up:

Doesn't get much better than this, seriously. When I get to lay next to her, it just brings me right back to when she was an infant and I'd just stare at her all day and dream up what her life was to be

Lessons learned:

Sometimes it is okay to be late to work

Day 29: Day to tap into the old me

Day 29

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

From 8-3pm I volunteered today for a local association at their annual conference. It felt so nice to work at an event so I could tap into my old life as an event planner. Also so fun to network and socialize with a bunch of industry colleagues.

I haven't volunteered for a long time, in fact, I can't remember the last time I volunteered anywhere? I've often thought about going to the nurseries at hospitals so I could rock babies...wouldn't that be incredible? It felt nice.

How I felt today:
Like I tapped in to an old part of me

How my friends at the association felt:
Appreciative

Lessons learned:
I need to find more ways to tab into the old part of me, especially the parts of me that brought me so much joy

Day 28: I love my coach!

Day 28:

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Remember the days when you played softball, you smashed the ball with your bat, headed for first base, your eyes wide open with excitement as you looked for your first base coach and overheard him say "go, go go!" as you rounded first base?

Coaches are amazing. They lift our little 3rd grade spirits, remind us we are awesome and capable of magic. So why did we have to grow up and say goodbye to our coaches?

As luck would have it, I have a coach that surfaced about 6 months ago. She's one of our executive coaches at work and she's so fun to be with.

My love moment...? I asked her to help coach me again. Today was our first day of "coaching revival" and I spewed at the mouth of all the things I want to do...place to go...things to write...speaking I want to do. I had no organization other than just waves of passion and excitement and she was able to categorize my thoughts into three main sections. An ability that totally amazes me...to listen to chaos and get it organized!  If, (when), I follow my passion, I will be a better mom, wife, person and employee. I can't wait to get started!

How I felt when I was being coached:
Like I had just crunched the softball and was rounding first base heading to second. I felt invigorated, excited and as if the world was mine!

How the world will react when I'm really on my life purpose:
I'll be embraced with open arms!

Lessons learned:
Sometimes you need to find the people that will support you!

Day 27: Can research be love?

Day 27

Monday, May 8, 2012

I'm having a hard time writing this because I don't really feel like I can count this for my "love moment". However, I found myself immersed in doing research for the perfect gift for my mom and for about an hour, I was in la-la land. It felt so good to get lost in finding that perfect gift for mother's day. This mother's day will be the most special one yet and I really want to get mom the best gift ever.

How I felt indulging myself with time...and on my jobs dime:
Great but also a bit guilty

How good my mom will feel when she opens her fun present:
Happy!

Lessons learned:
As much as I feel guilty about not giving my job 100%, it is nice to have the amount of freedom I have to do personal things. I'm glad I'm not that type of employee that searches for recipes all day but it's nice to know I have the flexibility to do that if I needed to!

Day 26: Not much but a good cookie

Day 26

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Today we celebrated Mother's Day which I may add, was a great idea. In the past, we've celebrated Mother's Day on the REAL day. And what do we do on Father's Day...? Nothing because the dads want to have a day off. HELLO...so do I!

Somebody got the message that although it's always nice to be with family, my fellow mom-in-laws want a day off, and on the real day I might add. My day that I earn. My day that as much as I love my in-laws, I don't want to celebrate my day with anyone else other than those that make the cut.

Haven't you noticed that the older you get the slimmer your "friend" list dwindles? But it's a good dwindle and I love it actually. Having friends is like being on a diet...some make you emotionally fat, others make you emotionally starve. I've reached the age that it's like an audition with new people...what do you have to offer me? If I only have 5 minute a week to talk you while driving my kiddo to swimming lessons...are you the type that will be annoyed because Toddler Tunes are playing in the background or could you potentially sing the songs with me? If you can't sing along or at least hide the annoyance in your tone, you might just make the cut.

So, we went to my sister in laws and guess what Stacy...please bring a dessert. 

Whuaaaat? Hugh? It's Mother's Day celebration and don't forget to bring something? Fine.

Well, I could ask Kurt. But then we'd go to the grocery store and buy pre-packaged something. So what's a mother to do? I whipped out my new chocolate chip cookie with vanilla pudding recipe and cooked the hell out some mean cookies! 72 cookies sounds about right. Some with walnuts, some without. Some dipped in chocolate, some dipped without. I cooked them quietly, alone as to not make to much noise which would inevitably invite 10 little sticky fingers and a bag full of flour on my face.

Beep-beep went the timer. Buttery aroma filled the air. The sound of a cup filling with milk. I could taste the perfect blend of brown sugar and the grainy white sugar....could it be true....the cookies were ready. They were mine. My creation.

And yes people, what better treat than to take time doing something you love.

How I felt baking cookies:
It was surprisingly therapeutic. No one needed me, no one asked me to get them anything. No one asked me to play "I spy or "Come here honey, I Need Your Help Outside". Just me, butter and chocolate chips. 

How my in-laws felt when they devoured delicious, hand baked with love cookies:
They all enjoyed them.

Lessons learned:
When I'm home alone next, I need to bake. It really makes me happy.

Day 25: Ding-Dong Ditching

Day 25

Saturday, May 5, 2012

80 degree days can't be beat. You wake up early, get a sense of the morning heat, anticipate how much time you'll be outside and can almost see the tan on your face.

When it's hot in Colorado, it's dry...very dry. When it's hot and dry what better reward for impending wrinkles...ice cream!

Creating a strategy of when and how you'll actually make it to Dairy Queen is part of the fun. Debating with yourself of if I plant these flowers now, then I'll go after. Or...once the dishes are done and a load of laundry is in...then I'll go. Or then you can all of sudden turning into the parking lot at DQ and asking yourself, how did I get here? Since I'm here, I better get some ice cream. 

• Small oreo blizzard - check. 
• Small double fudge cookie dough blizzard - check
• One small vanilla cone - check
• Paying for the car behind you with two vanilla cones and a milkshake - priceless

How the man felt that I paid for his bill:
I hope really happy and surprised. Many folks do this in the Starbucks drive through but this was the first time I had done it at ice cream. I do hope that now, hours later he can tell his kids or family about a nice gesture and the importance of doing nice things.  The DQ attendant said that if somebody paid for her treats, it would make her very happy.

How I felt today paying for the car behind me:
I love doing things like this. It's like ding-dong ditching and never being caught! You pay and then gun it out of the parking lot so you can't make eye contact with the person, the fear, the adrenaline and chase...I love it. And no, the car didn't chase me but it's as close to a super hero as I'll ever become.

Lessons learned:
I'd like to figure out ways to get this rush without having to pay for anything. 

Day 24: Friday Fun

Day 24

Friday, May 4, 2012

Today was going to be a great day, it was Friday after all.

Not only was it a fun day at work, it was a day that I was completely myself. Yes there is office protocol and there are certain unspoken rules that you should follow. Today, I didn't follow any of them!

The office I work in is very serious. Lots of crazy smart people, number crunching, looming deadlines, fast walkers and fast talkers. Where as I go to work to have fun, others come to work to make money. The majority of the time I don't fit in because I'm not as serious as the others and honestly, I don't have to be and don't want to be.

The smile could not be wiped off my face today. I laughed to loud, shared jokes with my clients and lingered when talking to my colleagues. Today was a "personal" day at work. Colleagues told me about their kids about to get married, others vented about a irritating home situation and another peer just sat and chatted about life as a newlywed. It was great.

Heaven forbid that we actually get to know the people we work with? I spend more time with them than I do my own family...sad but true. (8 hours at work x 5 days a week = 40 hours...versus 3 hours each night ((6-9pm)) x 5 days a week = 15 hours. Yes, only 15 hours of Kurt, Izzy, Stacy, Friends, Family time a week.

Corporations need collaboration. Fun. Friendly environments. Loyalty comes through days like today.

How I felt today being 100% Stacy?
Great but also a bit strange not having any filters. (I can't really say that because despite my fun attitude, I am pretty conservative at work and have a pretty good idea of when and how to say things. So, I wasn't singing to music or dancing in the halls but I was authentic, cheerful and outgoing today.

How my peers felt chatting with me:
Hopefully good. My colleague who sits in the office next to me calls me "Oprah" because people are always coming in and out of my office, usually to vent or just say hello. The walls are paper thin so he can always hear our conversations. I joke that he's now plugged in to all things "female". But I hope that each person went home thinking that where I work can be a fun place to be.

Lessons learned:
I wish other people personally engaged with each other at work. When I have clients come in they joke that you can hear crickets chirping because it's so quiet. Unfortunately, they are correct. I need to figure out if a culture change is possible and do something about it. Even if it's organizing a clothing drive or something that brings everyone together to create a bit of cohesion. Hmm, what can I do?

Day 23: I found some magic

Day 23:

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Today I was inspired to find articles on the topic of kindness. So many folks in my company write articles for our quarterly publication, why not me? Granted I know very little about the construction world but I was looking to find a correlation between kindness and productivity...there's got to be a connection there.

In my digging around for articles, out popped the most amazing, gut wrenching, moving and inspiring website. By 9am, my eyes were swollen from crying and coffee was replaced by Kleenex. Please, remember this website: http://www.rachelschallenge.org/.

Years ago I was at the driving range when my jaw hit the ground. I was getting another basket of driving range balls and the breaking news caught my attention. In fact, it caught the attention of everyone in the pro shop. Shots fired at a local high school in Littleton, Colorado. 

This website was created in honor of  Rachel Scott, the first person to fall victim in the shooting at Columbine High School. Her family started this website dedicated to spreading what other...kindness. They created kindness cards that create a chain reaction. You can track where and what your gesture did online. Meaning, I can send a card from Colorado to someone in Arkansas, that person sends a card to Hawaii, etc. I've requested a card be sent to me so I can circulate it on...can't wait! I asked to be on their mailing list and soon I will make a donation.


How I felt today:
After reading this website, I was so inspired and reminded that we have the power to create our life. Our life purpose might be right in front of us, and it might come out of  an experience we have.  I also felt sorrow and sadness for not only the family of Rachel but all the families, friends and communities that experienced this tragedy. Even though it has been years, when you step back into the articles and TV clips you are brought back to the moment it began.

Lessons learned:
 Reading inspirational stories has a profound affect on me. It lifts me up, inspires me and reminds me to pay attention to the significance in my life. What am I doing to live my life rather than just experience it?

Day 22: Not much...

Day 22

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Not much happened today. Many days ago I said that I wasn't going to force anything and that what was to unfold for the day, would.

One of my friends suggested that I mention how my life has changed since this experiment all started. And, because I don't have much to report today, now seems like the right time to highlight the incredible things that have happened.

Since starting 30daysplus1, it's quite interesting how many nice things have happened to me. Just today for example, one of my colleagues called me from Starbucks to see what she could pick up for me. Really, you're at Starbucks calling me for my order?

People are paying me compliments, work is going far better than it ever has, my relationships with Kurt and Izzy are the best ever, I have time for "me", I have more time for activities, I'm feeling more connected with everything and I'm so happy!

It turns out that that for the past 22 days my goal was to show people "love" but it turns out that it's been more about simply paying attention and slowing down. That seems to be what I've been noticing and making me really content. Are they connected? I don't know but I'm really enjoying the process.

I hope tomorrow something magical will happen and I'll be looking for it!

How I felt today:
Now at 10:39pm, I feel disappointed. Everyday there has been something that has surfaced and I'm just feeling a bit flat tonight that maybe I just overlooked something.

Lessons learned:
I guess it happens and plans don't go as planned, that's okay. Oh well.

PS...I put this picture up of humpback whales because I love them and realized that my next trip will be to CA and go whale watching with my family.

Day 21: What's a day without UMIZOOMI

Day 21

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

It's usually 6pm by the time I get home with Izzy. Time to start dinner, feed the dog, fight with Kurt's' pants, pack the lunch, blah blah blah. Many days we let Izzy watch TV and we call it giving her some "downtime". If I'm really honest with myself, it's a lazy excuse for giving her something to kill time doing while we get all our ducks in a row. It makes me crazy that she's in the other room when she could be with me but things move exponentially faster without a child, especially when you have a time crunch. Fellow moms and dads, you know what I'm talking about. I wish I was that mom who was totally organized, ran a smooth household and knew what was for dinner. Well, that's not me.

Shocker: 7pm, dog fed, clothes folded, lunches packed and brownies actually baking for teacher appreciation week. I'm impressed. With Kurt's help tonight, we blazed through our evening chores and by 7:15, I was actually in my pajamas, teeth brushed and ready to relax.

What better way to relax than with Izzy on the couch? She was really tired today and when she's sleepy, she gets really cuddly and wants me to hold her. She climbed all over me, elbowed me in the stomach and used my boobs as pillows and yes...it brought me right back to her being an infant laying on my tummy. About 7:50pm I woke up watching Olivia and woke up again about 8:30pm watching Team Umizoomi. What was so delightful about this occasion was that Izzy laid on me the entire time.

When I hang out with Izzy, I like to do activities or do something. Watching TV isn't that much fun but tonight, it was so nice to zone out with her on my tummy. Gosh, I love being a mom. I love being her mom.

How Izzy felt hanging out:
I know she loved it. Although tonight I kept falling asleep, when we do watch TV it's filled with commentary from me, applying the "lesson" of the show and applying the situation to her life. But tonight, we just hung out and flopped on the couch

How I felt:
Really relaxed

Lessons learned:
It might be misleading from my blog entries...I messy house makes me crazy. Uneasy, tension riddled and anxious. If I tidy it up, I feel relaxed and at ease. By no means am I OCD but if things are in their place, I feel organized and ahead of the 8 ball. Kurt and I both need to work on upkeep which is so hard during the week with two people working full time. But...to keep sane, we both need to do a little each day

Day 20: A thank you...

Day 20

Monday, April 30, 2012

After my moms surgery and the incredible battle wound on her head, we weren't sure if she would prefer to wear a wig or a hat.

Being a cancer survivor, a friend at work offered up her old hats she wore when she was doing chemo. She brought about 15 different hats that my mom could use the moment she heard I was concerned.

My moms hair grows like a weed and I think she's okay with the incredible scar on her head to she didn't need the hats after all.

Today I returned the hats and wrote a note with a Starbucks gift card. I was so grateful to my friend at work for being so gracious with things that may have been sentimental. 

How she felt:
She wasn't as work today but I'm sure she'll smile when she sees the card tomorrow

How I felt:
Really happy and very grateful that I work with such a nice and thoughtful friend

Lessons learned:
I need to write earlier in the day! At 10:13pm I just don't have the creativity and energy to make a good post.

Day 19: Tilling the soil

Day 19
Sunday, April 29

Today the entire day was spent with my foot on my shovel, Izzy with seeds in hand and fertilizer nearby. As a family, we had yard day. From the time we woke up to the time we went to sleep, we were all outside planting and fertilizing.

Columbines are native to Colorado and are very dainty and pretty. I wondered why we didn't have more in our yard, especially since I had about 10 seed packets. As I was planting them, I was brought back in time to the generations before me who lived in Colorado. The settlers. As they were making their homesteads, what did they think about when they saw them? Did they too think they were pretty and dainty? Did the sight of them make them stop and wonder about the past?

Today was spent being in the moment and thinking about what life was like before me. I don't know if it counts as "love" but it definately centered me and made me appreciate the people who came before me.

How I felt when giving quiet gratitude:
Again, really centered. As frustrating as it was digging holes through rocks and solid soil, there was something very rewarding about it feeling like I was an old settler.

Lessons learned:
I need to visit the new history museum that just opened. I can't wait to see the new columbines grow up in our yard as it will be a link to the people before me.

Day 18: An odd way to remember...

Day 18

Saturday, April 29, 2012

This evening we had dinner with my husbands friend and his family, none of whom I had met before.


Well tonight, we had a very interesting dinner. Kurts friends "John" is great and his two boys are great as well. His wife..."Psyco OCD" was pretty much just that. She asked the most inappropriate questions, monopolized all conversation and asked Kurt and I each only one question throughout the night.

Her boys are 5+ but still use sippy cups because she's worried they'll spill. Shared with us her unique ability to determine if someone is "useless" or not within 30 minutes and within 5 minutes of being at her house were made aware of her husbands "insanely large"nose. What's that you ask...? No, I am not kidding. I could go on.

Thank goodness 9pm arrived which meant time to go as it was Izzy's bedtime. (I love having a child to blame for our early departure).

The moment we got into the car, Kurt and I looked at each other in amazement and rehashed the entire night. We were just witness to a "crazy".

At the risk of sounding callous, she was a great benchmark for us both to use in judging our relationship and what makes our life tick. We were so grateful to each other for being normal and the perfect fit for the other person. 

My husband and I love each other but we're usually too busy teasing or playing with each other to ever speak the words, "I love you" very seriously. We'll say it heading out for work in the morning or if one of us fed the dog, etc. But tonight, it was nice to say (and hear) a sincere "I love you".

What we learned from each other:
That we like our definition of "normal" and we should probably pay more attention to saying "I love you". We also were reminded that we both think alike. Sometimes it takes a strange situation to remember that you love someone!

What I learned:
That I like my messy house, cluttered utensil drawer and if there's an opposite of OCD, I'm it. I know my husband appreciated me more tonight that he probably ever did before! 

Lessons learned:
That I'm judgmental and shouldn't be. I should've taken the high road with the "Psycho OCD" and thought about what happened in her childhood that created her crazy disposition but I didn't. For some reason it appeased both Kurt and I to gossip about her versus give her the benefit of the doubt.  I don't like that part of me but I guess I tend to do it when I just don't understand something/someone.

Day 17: To love is to be loved

Day 17:

Friday, April 27, 2012

Today was just a normal Friday and I couldn't really think of anything that would qualify for the "love" moment. It all changed when I knocked my head against something and said, "ooooooouch"!

When was the last time you really bonked your head? Remember the aftermath, the few moments you have to be quiet while you try to determine the source that caused the pain?

As I was touching my head, Izzy ran right up to me and started whipping my hair around as she was diligently rubbing my head and telling me I would be okay. Moments passed and my eyes must have still been closed and she kept at it..."mommy, you're gonna be okay. The pain will pass. There, do you feel better"?

The second your child got a boo boo, you raced to the scene. Band-aide?  Rubbing alcohol? Got'em. We also have the magical power of a kiss to make things better. Remember after the kiss, the hug that followed? Do you recall how wonderful and delightful it felt? A few quiet moments of just holding your baby made the boo boo worth it.

I found myself holding Izzy, or rather, letting Izzy hold me.  I let her continue to rub my head and pat my back and sucked up every second of it.  The pain was subsiding but we still clung to each other. As our kids grow older, their hugs get shorter, have you noticed that?

The next time I closed my eyes, it was so steal a  moment in time to whisper into Izzys ear how much I loved her and thanked her for loving me.

What qualifies for my "love" moment? Letting Izzy love me.

How Izzy felt:
Kids love to feel needed, special and helpful. Izzy hit the mark today and I know it made her happy.

How I felt:
Wonderful and lucky that I have a little girl that likes to nurture.

Lessons learned:
To always, always, always allow my daughter to show me and give me love and to not rush.

Day 16: The birds are a chirpin'

Day 16:
Thursday, April 26, 2012

The "beep beep" on my alarm sounds at 5:09. Out the door by 5:15 and at the gym at 5:30. The water felt so good in the shower at 6:45 and the coffee hit the spot at 7:00am.

On these days when by 7:00 am I've already accomplished a huge feat of tackling the gym, I love to come home and enjoy the chorus of the birds chirping. As Spring is here, our home houses at least 4 different nests and I take such delight in hearing their little chirps in the morning. I imagine they all have a similar waking up pattern as us humans do. The mommy birds wake up their babies, comb their wings and feed them worm cereal. They  kiss their daddies goodbye as he leaves the nest in search of Bird Depot, the equivalent of  our Home Depot. Daddy has to repair the nest and buy some new branches.

The whole neighborhood of birds wake up and get ready for the day. Some chirps are high pitched, some chirp a regular pattern, some chirps are just here and there. Regardless, in hearing the morning birds gives me a similar sensation to watching Izzy sleep. It's so soothing, so calming and surrounds me with a certain sense of peace that I cannot describe.

So what did I do today? From 7:00 - 7:30 am I sat outside with my bowl of cereal, cup of coffee with my dog by my feet and just enjoyed the sounds of the morning.

How it made me feel:
So appreciative for nature and all the beautiful trees in our backyard.

Lessons learned:
I love the color of our trees. Green is a color I often overlook but it is such a pretty color. We have a huge tree, at least 50 years old in our backyard. It houses 2 nests, numerous squirrels and various other creatures. I really wonder if trees have souls and if it's a proud tree knowing it provides for so many. If at my eulogy someone compares me to a tree, I'd be happy! Ha, that sounds funny to write, to be compared to a tree. I would take it as a compliment.

Day 15: Gosh, I love my friend

Day 15

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

I first met Carol playing softball in the 5th grade. We're now almost 40 years old so we've known each other a long time.

We've been a part of each others main themes, graduation, weddings, babies, etc. I remember her wedding day and all the drama that her mother in law brought on. She was just a mean, mean person and I felt sad for Carol knowing she was stuck with this woman for a long time.

I talked to Carol tonight and she told me she told off her mother in law. I was in shock that she finally did it but on the flip side, I was cheering. She is such a strong woman, cemented in her personality and an absolute role model to me. When I think of power, solid advice and someone that always knows right or wrong...I think of her.

We haven't seen each other for 5 years and we hadn't spoken to each other in about 5 months. She's one of my friends that we go a long time without talking and when we do, we just pick up where we left off. You know when you talk to someone on the phone while driving? There are types of friends that you can drive and talk on the phone with and then there are those people worth pulling to the side of the road, turning off your car and getting comfy. She's one of those friends.


How she felt today on the phone:
I'm sure she was happy. She had a lot to say and she had the freedom to just talk.

How I felt:
Happy too! I loved pulling into the Grease Monkey parking lot, rolling the windows down and just relaxing and laughing with her.

Lessons learned:
I need to appreciate the incredible qualities of my friends more and pay attention to how they enrich my life.

Day 14: It's true but we each take a turn

Day 14

Tuesday, April 23, 2012

There are things in marriage that you just do because you should.

My husband never folds his clean clothes and often times, uses the dryer as his personal closet. That is, until I get a hold of them and throw them on the bed. Sometimes for giggles I even tuck all his clothes in the bed on his side (insert evil laugh). It makes for a funny moment until the next morning all of the clean clothes that were in the bed are now on the floor. And you know once they hit the floor, they somehow are dirty again which means the entire laundry episode begins again.

Last Sunday we did laundry all day long. I found myself yet again cursing at his darn pants and sweaters thinking, "you...here...again"!

I tossed all his clothes on the bed and let them sit there. It's not a gentle toss, it's a throw that makes a statement.  I'd walk away and distract myself to only realized upon my return, they were still sitting there. Helpless these little pants and shirts were for they had no owner to take care of them.

So what's a wife to do. Yup, I folded them. I may have used a few profanities but I did it. I even put them away. (isn't if funny that miraculously I know where all his clothes go but he doesn't have a clue where mine go)? I know, you can relate too.

Point is, my husband came in and was very appreciative. He was well aware of my laundry marathon as well as my general attitude toward my nemesis...his clothing.

But he was very appreciative and I congratulated myself on being an awesome wife who folds and hangs clothes because it was just the right thing to do.

Today I came home and we had a total role reversal. Our entire bedroom from the pillows to the curtains were being washed. Sheets, duvet comforter, down comforter, pillowcases....everything was being washed. And no, I didn't do anything to help.

What's the point? In seeing him literally do laundry for 4+ hours, I then congratulated myself on marrying an amazing guy. But now you should see our house, it's sparkling. When he makes an effort, I make an effort and together we do amazing things. So what did I really do today that justifies an entry? I worked with my husband around the house.

My dad says that marriage is never 50/50 and it's more like 80/20. Each partner takes turns at playing the 80 and 20 part and it's a give and take. Some days you fold clothes and some days someone washes pillowcases.

What Kurt and I both learned today:
We both were reminded that when we do nice things for one another, the reward is worth it. We are unstoppable when we realize we're playing on the same team.

Lessons learned:
There are silly little areas around the house that "belong" to Kurt for example, the outside of the house. If he uses a hose and forgets to wrap it up...I typically check out and say, "nope, not mine. He used it last". Instead, what I need to do is wrap it up, swallow the profanities and smile. Because hopefully, he will have cleaned all the dirty dishes I left in the kitchen!

Day 13: Must love dogs

Day 13

Monday, April 23, 2012

A colleague of mine was having to put down her dog today. I can't imagine and don't want to imagine that day. Our sweet Lily (above) is getting older and we talk about that, what it will be like when she's gone, how's she's going to go. Makes me sad thinking about it.

I'm not close with this person at all and just have a working relationship with her. I sent her a condolence card for her dog.

How she might feel:
I think it might actually make her sad now that I think about it. It would make me sad. But, it would also make me feel distracted, even for a brief moment.

How I felt:
I felt like I was doing a nice thing.

Lessons learned:
I need to play with my dog more. When I come home from work she's beyond excited that the family is together again and she jumps up, blocks my walking path into the house and licks and licks. Rather than shush her away, I need to play with her.

Day 12: Redemption

Day 12:

Sunday, April 22, 2012

My husband often says he didn't marry me for my cooking, he married me for my brothers cooking!

I don't like cooking but enjoy baking. I would enjoy baking even more if my recipes turned out. I usually burn something or forget a key ingredient but still find it fun and at least the dough is always good.

Today I was very excited to try a new chocolate chip recipe with vanilla pudding as a new ingredient. I had heard many times that this recipe was amazing so I was quite hopeful.

Might I say that both I and my husband were a bit shocked when they came out, ahem, perfect. Just enough crisp, just enough mushiness in the middle...absolutely delish!

I found three beautiful handmade cards and wrote thank you notes to each of Izzy's teachers and thanked them for all that they do. She really has wonderful teachers and I'm so thankful that she's had them as role models.

Tomorrow morning, all three of them will get a jump start with yummy chocolate chip cookies wrapped up sweetly in an Easter bag. What...I ran out of tin foil.

How I hope they'll feel:

Appreciated. Might make their Monday a bit nicer.

How I felt:

So happy. I don't want to be boastful but I know they'll love these darn cookies. Part of me wants to save one or two for my brother and when he eats it and gives me that look of confusion I'm going to say, "I know...I can't believe it either"!

Day 11: One of my strenghts

Day 11:

Saturday, April 22, 2012

I'm cheating.

It's Sunday and I'm writing to fess up that I totally forgot to do anything and obviously write anything. It was such a pretty day and the day just got away from me. 

How I felt:

I had a great day but now, I don't feel very good about myself

Lessons learned:

I need to do my random act of love in the morning or afternoon. Then write about it quickly before I loose momentum. 

Day 10: Depression glass and a 5 yr old?

Day 10

Friday, April 20

Today I was going to count cleaning out my closets as my loving moment. I cleaned out three large closets and have bags and bags of goodies for the Goodwill. I followed my rules and enjoyed the process, reminisced about my daughters cute pink boots that she's outgrown and envisioned the new little girl who would be wearing them soon. 

In comparison to how or what I was hoping to feel, it wasn't earth shattering. Giving stuff to the Goodwill is something I do anyway so I wasn't that thrilled about counting this as "the" event of the day.

But about 9:00pm tonight I had a very unexpected moment.

I thought my daughter was sleeping but all of a sudden, she appeared all sleepy eyed in the hallway. She must have heard me and thought I was having more fun than she so why not get up? This closet housed a lot of my late grandmothers china as well as clothing that I was sorting through. 

Izzy curled up in my lap and asked about the pretty china. I explained it was her great grandmothers and I was just looking at it. I actually don't know why I don't have it out, it really is beautiful. I can remember the precise location in her little old house where she had it all on display. Why was it hiding in my closet, especially when it only made me smile?

She wanted to touch it all. I mean, all of it. The hand painted plates from the late 1800's, the depression glass to the crystal creamer cups. I was so tentative (I'm lying...at first I was like, NO WAY, then my heart regained it's normal rhythm and then I became tentative)...but then I figured, well...what the heck. She carefully lined up all the pieces and let me talk and talk and talk. Then she told me about a dream she had about my grandma and described what she looked like. Considering she has never seen a picture of her, it was pretty accurate.

I bet I told Izzy 30 minutes worth of stories about my grandmother. What she was like, what we did for fun together, etc. It was so wonderful to really talk about my grandmother again. I think about her often but I rarely talk about our stories or memories I have of her. It felt wonderful.

If I had put Izzy back in bed, my night would have been very different.  I would've missed out on this opportunity to reconnect with a very special part of my life. 

How Izzy felt:

Being able to touch things that are "fragile" hopefully made her feel important and that I trust her. Also, this was the first experience of her getting out of bed and coming to meet me in the hallway. She probably knew she was supposed to be in bed so maybe she could sense that by her simple act of joining me in the hallway would allow me to feel an inordinate amount of love. I can't help but know, she woke up for a reason.

How I felt:

It felt so blissful to relive the love I have for my late grandmother.

Lessons learned:

I'm going to find the beautiful, sentimental things in my house and dust them off. I'm going to fill old creamer cups with flowers and put something yummy in the soup bowls. Just in writing this, I have a huge smile on my face. It already is bringing me so much happiness.

Day 9: A nice ending...

Day 9:

Thursday, April 19, 2012

So today, like the other days this week was just fantastic. I have had the best week. My family life is just doing great and my outlook on work has really improved. Is this attributed to my new little project of finding and showing the love, maybe? Who knows.

About an hour ago I was tucking my daughter into bed and playing our 100th game of I'm thinking of. Before I leave, we snuggle up and give nose kisses and tickles. But before I knew it, she was asleep!

I can't count the times I tell her I love her and I can't really count the times I read, color or just hang out with her.

But tonight I found myself, almost giggling at the sheer joy I get when I see her sleeping. Although our daughter is 5 years old, when she sleeps I'm just taken back in time to when she was just days old, sleeping right next to us. We would just stare at her for hours. When she'd burp, we'd laugh. When she's sneeze we wanted it on video. When she's cry, we'd run to soothe her. I think when I see her sleeping, I'm just taken back to the innocence, the excitement and total joy of creating this perfect little person.

And isn't there something about looking at a sleeping child that makes you feel that all is right in the world? Hearing their breath makes you forget your bills, dissolves any worry about work and makes you want to plan more trips to the park. Life just slows down and becomes simple.

So, I don't know if it really qualifies but I'm counting the quiet time I had with Izzy doodle.

How she felt:
Who knows, she was dreaming of the next fruit she's going to stump me on in our next game of I'm thinking of

How I felt:
Giddy with happiness

Lessons learned: 
I'm going to sleep with her for the next 50 years...ha!

Day 8: Who couldn't use some Tulips?

Day 8

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

When it comes to technology I know the basics. When it comes to downloading music, I think I can do it but I find no joy in the process, seriously. It would take me about 1 hour to figure out how to burn a CD when it can take others, 2 minutes.

So, imagine my dismay when our company bought IPhones for everyone. I mean, I know they can be great but my goodness...there are a thousand things you can do with them. That phrase, "there's an app for that" is so true and rather than feeling relieved by this, it stresses me out.

My wonderful friend at work is an IPhone secret agent and is addicted to her phone. Both yesterday and today she has taken hours out of her day to teach me how to maneuver this button, that app and those files.

Now, I understand why kids are addicted to their phones. Now I understand how traffic accidents happen. Now I understand that as I'm driving on my way to Tokyo Joe's...I can actually order my food from my phone, pay for it AND get directions all at once. Then while at Tokyo Joe's, I can take a picture of myself and turn that into a postcard that is stamped, addressed and mailed! Amazing. 

The clouds have parted and the birds are chirping. All is right with the world.

I would have been living in the land of frustration and irritability if it weren't for my friend Elizabeth! Granted, she loves IPhones but she's busy here at work but took time out of her days to help me. She even brought it a ton of music and downloaded it to my phone. I bet she helped me for a total of 4 hours!

To show her how much I appreciated her, I bought her a small bouquet of pink tulips today, wrote a thank you note and left it on her desk. 

How it made her feel:
She was very surprised and I think very a little proud. She was clearly surprised, happy and had a little smile on her face.

How it made me feel:
Cheap at first. Whole Foods is called Whole Paycheck for a reason but I savored the experience of buying tulips (which really weren't even that bad, like $9.00) but still...I have that dumb voice in my head saying, "ah ah - too expensive, try again" so resisting the urge to listen to it was hard. But, I overcame. For a split second I even felt like I was in Europe at their local corner florists where they wrap the bouquet in newspaper. It was fun to pretend I was somewhere else, even for a split second.

Then I had to sneak the card and flowers onto her chair without her seeing me to it became a little game. It was fun!

Lessons Learned:
I spend a lot of time talking myself out of doing things than talking myself in to something. It should be the reverse.

Day 7: Ovaltine...ahhhhh.

Day 7:

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

When you think of your grandparents growing up...what sparks the memories? What takes you back to that fun summer? What takes you back to playing in the park or swinging on the front porch swing?

As you may guess, when I drink Ovaltine I'm brought right back to sitting on my Nana's couch having her make me a cup of hot Ovaltine.  Not warm, it had to be hot and it couldn't be made with water, it had to be made with milk.

I can see her floral couch, I can smell her Jergins lotion and see her pantyhose under her sandals. All it takes is for me to see that good 'old tub of Ovaltine in the store to bring me right back.

Today I sent my Nana a note telling her that I'm brought back to her and her home when I drink Ovaltine. I don't think that she knows that it has that effect on me but now she will know.

How my note will make her feel:

Hopefully good.

How I feel:

I felt really good that I actually shared with her something that I'm sure she didn't know. 

Lessons learned:

I need to start taking more time out to write notes and share a funny or sincere memory. Chances are that the person I'm writing the letter to needs a reminder to!

Day 6: All about the dandylions

Day 6:

Monday, April 16, 2012

I often take our daughter on walks and inevitably we pass our local park. It's important to "scout" our walks accordingly because the moment the park is in sight...all reasoning and rationale dissipate into thin air. No, not on my part.

Last night I told our daughter Izzy we could go for a walk but it was just for a short one for our dog, Lily. She's getting older, has a bum leg but we still take her for little walks here and there. The husband and dog turned around to head home and Izzy said she wanted to walk farther (which meant the whole "park" situation was in the back of my mind).

I did something I rarely do...just took a walk for the heck of it. (it was hard to admit that I said "yes" because it was dinner time, the whole routine of getting ready for the next day was waiting for me,  etc. I had stuff to do. If I said "yes", the whole world would crumble? I would break my routine? With this new change or addition to my day, I might throw off Izzy's routine and create a monster who doesn't sleep at night, right?

Wrong.

So, we continued walking. We walked slowly. We picked flowers. We picked weeds. We picked dandelions. We were "flower hunters" as Izzy called it.

How Izzy felt:
Happy in knowing that her mom makes and creates time for her

How I felt:
I little stupid, why don't I do this more often? I am after all a "flower hunter". Who can beat that?

Lessons learned:
Appreciate and enjoy the small opportunities. 

Day 5

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Isn't this capture adorable! For any other moms reading this, you can totally relate.

Although I am far from Superwoman, tending to my family, friends, work, the dog, the laundry, (blah blah blah)...it's a rare occasion that I find myself alone without something to do. You too right?

A real treat came my way on Saturday. My wonderful mother in law offered to watch our daughter. Now folks, my mother in law is unlike any other. She is truly exceptional. She does so much for my husband, her granddaughter and me there are days I relish in appreciation for her and for the fact that I have her in my life. I am so lucky. I not only love her, I really like her as a person.

Well, today was just another day of her I wonderfulness".  I dropped her off at 2pm Saturday and picked her up at 1pm on Sunday! Yes folks...that's like, 23 hours of "me time" (interchangeable with the word freedom but I shouldn't write that).

Literally, at 2:15 I was parked at the shopping mall only to return home at 8pm. Had a quick bite of dinner with the cutie pie husband and then he went to the garage to do manly stuff and guess what...! I started a fire, curled up with a blanket and watched a movie!

Point being...I took time for myself and it was absolutely magical. Although the blog was intended to show and share the love with others, I'm definitely counting my mommy time because come Sunday...I was ready to go, refueled with energy!

How I felt:
Fantastic

Lessons learned:
I need to do more of this and I actually can do it at work. Many times I work through lunch or eat at my desk. But if I get out and even go for a walk by myself, I'm sure I can regain some energy.

Day 4: A nice card is worth it

Day 4

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Have you ever been looking a beautiful greeting card and think, oh yes...this one is perfect...to only flip over and see $6.00? Well, I'm a frugal shopper so when I see a nice card I rarely even pick it up because I don't see the purpose in splurging on a card that once the sentiment is read, it finds it's way into the trash.

Well, have you been to Whole Foods recently? And have you ever taken the time to look at their cards? I'm sure all the shoppers buying steel cut oats and barley today found my tear streaked cheeks an added bonus to their Saturday shopping.

Yes, tears I say. I found a line of cards called, "quotablecards" and as you would imagine, they are filled with amazing quotes.

"Leap and the net will appear" - Zen saying

"live with intention. walk to the edge. practice wellness. play with abandon. laugh. choose with no regret. continue to learn. appreciate your friends.  do you what you love. 

live as if this is all there is" - mary ann radmacher

And the whopper for today is:

"Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you" - Christian D. Larson

At the end of this quote I KNEW that this was my wish for my daughter. I couldn't have said it any clearer. Without any hesitation, I knew that I was good for $6.00!

My act of love, absolutely...writing a love letter to my daughter. 

How it will make Izzy feel when the day arrives when she reads it:

Hopefully she'll enjoy it. I hope that she saves it and reads it over and over. With time, she may appreciate the words more and more.

How I felt:

No words can ever express how much you love your kids

Lessons learned:

There is hope that people save special cards. 

Bonus points: I have two ladies in my life that I've known for 20 years. I love them like sisters and they are just, well, wonderful. I bought them each a card from me to them and then I bought cards for them to write love letters to their children. It was an expensive day at Whole Foods!

Day 3: Heartfelt communication...in the workplace you say?

Day 3:

Friday, April 13

Day3:

Since Mom's stroke adventure, I knew the part in me that sugar coats and paints a pretty picture for the benefit of others "awoke". I cater to many people, I put everyone in front of me and am sure to say the right things. I wonder around making sure everyone is okay, no rippled waters when I'm around. But how does that serve me?

One major learning opportunity for me was to stop faking it...be authentic, be myself and be that person everywhere. Even work.

Today I interviewed four candidates for a position here at work. Remember when you were sitting in the hot seat about to interview for a job? You had your long list of questions and would hope they were answered honestly?

I answered every single question 100% honestly. I didn't fudge, I didn't say the "right" thing to appease the candidate,  I didn't say what I was supposed to say. When my colleagues compared notes, they all were all stunned at my honesty.

 

When I was in my twenties I did and said the things my colleagues and bosses would expect me to say. In my thirties (still hanging on by a year) more "life" happened with getting married, having a child but I still understood my place at work. But now...I have nothing to lose but being as honest as I can be, open as possible and authentic as I am. It felt great.

How the candidates felt:
Hopefully relieved that

How I felt:
Really good that I pushed some "rules" aside and provided honest answers. For some reason, this felt great and very freeing.

Lessons learned:
At the risk of ridicule, you still can be real. Would it be a stretch to say I felt brave?

Day 2: Lunch, really...on you?

Day 2

Thursday, April 12

I woke up this morning feeling a lot of pressure. What was I going to do today? Plotting out "what, who and how" I'm finding is quite stressful. The other day I wrote my friend an appreciation letter expecting to feel flooded with emotions, tears and quite frankly, I wanted to scrunch it all up and toss it in the trash. I felt like I was telling her versus showing her. You know what I mean?

Today I was meeting a long lost friend  for lunch. We've actually only known each other for a short time but you know when you feel a connection with someone and you know you'll be friends? Well, she's that sorta friend.

Now, I normally bring my lunch to work or when I want to splurge, I grab my Subway sandwich (with coupon in tow). So when my girlfriend wanted to go to a fancy restaurant I could feel my wallet tugging at me saying, "now Stacy...you have bills to pay, you have college to save for...isn't eating here a bit irresponsible?" I hate that voice...the voice of reason. 

You know those times and places when you splurge when you shouldn't? This was one of those places.

We dined, we laughed and I even lived it up with an Arnold Palmer. When the bill came, she said she was buying!

For all I know, she'll put it on her expense report but still, it was a nice and unexpected surprise. 

So you're asking what did I do? I wrote her a true, heartfelt thank you note. I wrote it slowly, thoughtfully and genuinely. 

How will it make her feel:

Hopefully good

How did it make me feel:

Good! It was nice to feel my gratitude and not just tell her

Day 1: It all starts with coffee

 

Day 1

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Well, can I say it started with a cup of Joe? 

This morning my family was running late, as usual. I made myself a cup of coffee and it sat on the Kurig coffee maker for about 5 minutes as I ran around locating barrettes for my daughter, applying mascara and shoveling in bites of my cereal. I could hear it calling me saying, "put in the yummy vanilla creamer, stir me up and enjoy the first sip of me". 

My husband appeared. 

He loves coffee and he especially loves it when I make him coffee, which I rarely do. In a matter of 2 seconds I had the debate of..."I'm running super late and I claim that coffee over there that I made" or, "should I give this coffee away"? 

Yup, you guessed it. I gave it away.

How my husbands felt: 

Good. I think he appreciated it.

How I felt: 

I felt like a nice person, a good wife offering coffee. On the flip side, I felt a little lame. I mean it's coffee, not earth shattering random act of kindness.  I'm actually a bit embarrassed to have claimed this as act of love. I need to step it up.

Lesson learned:

It took me less than 1 minute to make the coffee and give it away. Proof that it's not that time consuming to be generous.

 

Overview: Why am I doing this?

  Me (Stacy) and my mom, Boise

Overview:

3 months ago my mom almost died. As the minister was praying over her before an emergency surgery I found myself in disbelief looking at my mom thinking, “but I have so much left to tell you, you can’t go, I’m not done…”

As the hours passed, I swore that I would be a changed person if she lived. I promised myself and anything listening, even the little ants on the grass, that I would shake myself out of my comfort zone and not wait until a dire situation happened that I share my feelings and emotions.  There’s a big difference between saying I love you and showing someone that you love them. Up until this point, it was an expression I had just heard but now truly understood.

Will there be tears? Yup. Will it get messy and uncomfortable, probably. Will it be confusing and awkward, that’s affirmative. However, could it be beautiful and cathartic? Joyous and touching? Sentimental and peaceful…I hope so. 

What do they say, 14 days to break a habit? Well how about 30 days (plus 1…I reserve the right to continue past just 30 days. You never know, I could be on a roll and not want to stop)  to deepen my relationships and friendships with the people I cherish and hold so close to my heart.

Rules:
My acts of love can either be written, verbally expressed or I don't have to say anything at all and let the act alone speak for itself.

What qualifies:
Anything that I would want to receive. Flowers, love or appreciate letters, a call, a note or a gesture.

It is my hope that by being vulnerable and being honest, that I will not only honor my commitment made to the little ants, but will change my life just as my mom’s life has been changed.

Let the lovin’ begin!